The holidays are here – and there are plenty of ways to kick off the season with your friends and family. In Macomb County, tree lightings and holiday fest begin as early as Nov. 13 and continue until Christmas. Looking for a tree lighting or holiday event near you? Browse this list of Macomb County tree lightings and holiday fun.
Location: Fountain Park, 58420 Main St., New Haven
Time: 6-8 p.m.
Cost: Free
Deck out the family car and ride through town. No car? No problem! Step outside and watch at the parade rolls by — and don’t forget to stick around for the tree lighting after.
Location: Macomb Township Recreation Center, 20699 Macomb St., Macomb Township
Time: 6:30-8:30 p.m.
Cost: Free
This 16th annual tree lighting event kicks off with caroling and Santa’s arrival on a Macomb Township firetruck. The entire event is outside this year so be sure to dress for the weather.
Location: Starts at Washington Street and heads north to Village Park
Time: 7-9 p.m.
Cost: Free
The parade begins at Washington Street and heads North to the Village Park where attendees can see the tree lighting, enjoy holiday music and snacks, and meet with Santa from six feet away.
I was 13 years old when I started asking my parents for a nose piercing, but it wasn’t until I was 16 that they finally gave in.
14 years ago, when I was finally allowed to have it done, piercings were a sign of rebellion. These days, piercings are all the rage with teens. They can be a great, and not-so-permanent, way to reward your teen for their accomplishments while letting them express themselves with beautiful pieces of jewelry. But there’s a lot that goes into a piercing that many teens — and even parents — might not be aware of.
So, what should you consider if your teen asks you for a body or facial piercing? John Motyka, owner of Elite Ink, which has locations in Centerline, Dearborn Heights, Warren and Chesterfield, weighs in on the dos and don’ts of body piercing.
Keep it appropriate
Believe it or not, Michigan, as well as the American Academy of Pediatrics, has recommendations and laws on the books about putting holes in your face and body. But they aren’t strict.
“Michigan regulates piercings,” Motyka says. “There’s no minimum age for kids with proper parental consent.”
This isn’t necessarily a good thing though, the 25-plus-year tattoo and piercing vet explains, because it leaves loopholes for kids and shops to do inappropriate work.
“It’s scary because there may be tattoo studios that might go along with it,” he says. “They might be able to do a tongue piercing on a 13-year-old, which is unethical, and I think for a parent to allow that type of procedure should be put into question.”
Motyka has set a minimum age limit of 16, with proper parental consent, for all piercings in his shops. Once a teen has hit that magic number, he will only perform his unwritten “Category A” piercings on them.
“Category A would be something less invasive, something you’d perform on a minor,” he explains. “This is the ear, the nose and other piercings that add value.”
“Add value” means piercings that are meant to enhance a person’s natural looks.
He puts more risky piercings, like the lip and tongue, into Category B and in Category C are the private piercings, such as the genitals or nipples.
“I don’t believe most tattoo studios would do (Category C) on a minor even with parental consent,” he says.
Think on it
Once your child has asked for a “Category A” piercing, like the nose, ears or even naval, it is best to let them think on the piercing for a while to be sure that they actually want it.
“It should be well thought out,” Motyka says. “Think about it for several months first, and if it’s a good idea, find a reputable establishment to have it done at.”
According to WebMD, some pediatricians will do basic ear lobe piercings in-office. If it’s a more elaborate piercing than that, you want to find a shop that is licensed by the state and steer clear from mall kiosks that offer piercings.
“I think mall kiosks are best to buy accessory jewelry and not having the piercing performed,” Motyka says. “Piercing with a piercing gun is not the best way to go. The type of jewelry used in that sort of piercing is blunt, it can shatter the skin or the cartilage, and it’s a longer healing process.”
It you do opt for a mall kiosk, WebMD notes that you should make sure that the employees use a sterile, single-use piercing gun. Teens should also be taught to never allow a friend to pierce something for them.
Reward badass behavior
Before taking your child to get the piercing, consider if there’s a goal you could implement that your child needs to reach beforehand. This is common practice with Motyka’s teen clients, and it’s a shift from what he’s seen in the past.
“Parents who were totally against the piercings are setting parameters or rewarding them for good behavior,” he explains.
When he does have teen clients, many times they are looking to get a piercing because they received straight A’s or reached another goal. Their parents aren’t necessarily thrilled at the idea, but use the piercing as a way to motivate their kids to set and reach their goals.
“If there are certain parameters set then it’s OK to offer that reward,” he says.
Visit the parlor and piercer
After your child has met the goal, thought about the idea for a while and picked out a parlor, consider setting up a consultation and meeting with your piercer.
“There’s going to be a lot of anxiety at first,” Motyka says. “The experience of going to the establishment will help the teen and their parents feel more comfortable.”
Once you’re at the parlor for a consultation, the piercer should be professional, but personable, and should answer all of your questions.
“The right piercer should have so many qualities,” he explains. “They should have an outgoing personality and really connect with their clients. I get that people are nervous and I try to ease them from that.”
If you like your piercer and they answer all of your questions, the final step – before setting up the appointment, according to WebMD – is to make sure that the shop looks clean and that the piercer washes their hands, wears gloves and uses either sterilized or one-time use equipment.
Procedure and aftercare
In order for a minor to get a piercing, they must have proper parental consent. This means that a parent must be present and must bring a copy of the minor’s birth certificate and photo ID for both themselves and the minor. They will also have to fill out and sign paperwork in the shop.
Your piercer will then take you through the aftercare procedures for that particular piercing.
“The aftercare is important and the person being pierced is responsible for it,” Motyka says. “We recommend using sodium chloride that is iodine-free (sea salt) and water.”
Healing times vary widely based on the type of piercing. Earlobes take six to eight weeks, while the nostril takes two to four months, according to WebMD.
All piercings will be sore for several days following the procedure, Motyka says.
A piercer will clean and prep the area before piercing with a sterile needle and will insert surgical-grade jewelry in the new piercing.
“Most piercings only take a few seconds to do,” Motyka says.
What to watch out for
While your piercing is healing, there are a few things that you should avoid, according to WebMD.
Do not pick or touch the piercing.
Do not use alcohol or peroxide. This can cause chemical burns, according to Motyka, and can break down amino acids that aid in healing.
Don’t use public pools or hot tubs as it’s healing.
Don’t use makeup on or near the piercing .
Don’t wear tight clothing over the piercing.
Pain and swelling after a piercing is normal, but if the pain does not go away in a couple of days, or if there’s excessive bleeding, redness or foul-smelling discharge, leave the jewelry in and seek medical attention.
This post was originally published in 2017 and is updated regularly.
As metro Detroit braces for major snowstorms and frigid polar vortexes, there’s one person local parents want to hear from most. Hint: It’s not the local TV station meteorologists.
Known only as “SE Michigan SnowFreaks,” this local dad’s Facebook page has become a little-kept secret. And, since kicking off in 2013, his following has not only grown — but, when he moved to a subscription approach in 2019, many happily followed him, paying about $2-$8 a month on Patreon for the his uncannily accurate predictions.
“I always give back to local charities every month, voted by my subscribers,” he tells Metro Parent in a digital interview (he prefers to keep his real identity under wraps). “I give back to my supporters by running fun contests — and always take care of the veterans.”
Speaking of veterans, SnowFreaks saw a major spike in membership after the early Veterans Day Snow Storm of November 2019. “I crossed over 10,000 paid subscribers on the first snow storm of the season via Patreon,” he says.
That includes plenty of southeast Michigan parents, teachers and commuters who are anxious for insight on impending snowstorms.
And that’s what keeps him motivated.
“I love the fact that I get personal messages from superintendents, principals and teachers thanking me often,” he says. “It makes me feel what I am doing is truly making a difference – while at the same time making it fun for all.”
Here’s a look at what the page has to offer – and our exclusive Q&A with the mystery man behind SE Michigan SnowFreaks.
About SE Michigan SnowFreaks
The SnowFreaks page features frequent updates with ultra-detailed maps and commentary about how much snow can be expected and when.
With more than 150,000 followers and 10,000 subscribers at the time this post was published, fans say they cling to his page for the best snow forecasts and, importantly, snow day predictions and a sense of how much snow we’ll need to shovel.
In the hundreds of comments on most of his posts, parents celebrate (or commiserate) snow day announcements, share road conditions and bestow praise on their trusted “snow guy.”
“ALWAYS 100% more accurate than EVERY professional weather forecast. I rely and depend on this all winter long! Thank you!!” one review on the page reads.
The page notes only that SnowFreaks is a “community in Romeo, Michigan.” He opts to keep his name and other personal information private, though — taking on a “Wilson” from Home Improvement persona, a fan once commented.
But his Facebook profile tells us this: “I am a certified Snow Freak! I am not a meteorologist. I have followed and studied winter storms for 30 years. I cover all of SE Michigan! 85% accuracy! SNOW!”
Seven questions with the SnowFreak
We decided to dig a little deeper into the “snow” and ask this local dad a few questions. Here’s what he had to say!
1. How did you get into ‘snowcasting?’
“It’s been a long time in the works. I remember waking up as a young kid with my dad always having the Weather Channel on in the mornings. It was always exciting to me to know if we could possibly have a snow day.
“Also, watching (local TV meteorologist) Chuck Gaidica every single evening – truly a legend he is. The way he made it fun, and how much passion he had, is what I truly try to mirror. That is when it really sparked. I thought, ‘How cool would it be to see what they see behind the scenes?’
“I was 10 years old making snow maps on blank pieces of paper. I had no clue what I was doing, though. So, five years ago, after 20 years of asking many well-known meteorologists where to find all the models and data, I found myself studying and predicting snow more accurately than most.
“I decided to start my own page as a small hobby – and, well, that was short-lived. When I predicted 12 to 18 inches of snow on Super Bowl Sunday a few years back and many others were calling for around 6 inches, my page literally blew up. To my surprise, there are a lot of SnowFreaks in SE Michigan!”
2. What drives your passion for snow?
“Honestly my passion for snow came from getting snow days as a kid – no joke. That is what got me hooked on snow. Also riding the four-wheeler around with the sled and just having fun, making snow forts and having snowball fights with all my childhood friends – all still clear in my memory.
“Now I have a family of my own, and am looking forward to sharing all those great memories with them.”
3. What’s it like having such a huge following on SE Michigan SnowFreaks?
“Very humbling! Never in a million years did I think a page for just a small portion of our state would be so big and getting bigger every day. It’s now more than snow; it’s basically an all-winter page. Many ask questions and others often reply with helpful answers.
“This is what makes this page so great: Outside of being very accurate, this is a page where parents, students, teachers and the average Joe can go to and get accurate forecasts – along with some good laughs.”
4. This work must be very time-consuming, and it seems like you have a ‘regular’ job, too. How do you make it work?
“To be completely honest, I have no idea. When we are a couple days out from a storm and the days leading up to and until the end of the storm … I literally get about three hours of sleep a night, and am putting in 20-plus hours a day between this page, my job and a beautiful family.
“I love it, though – but it does make me delirious at times! I feel like this is now a responsibly – I feel many truly depend on me. That’s what makes it fun though. I am addicted to snow. I am a SnowFreak.”
5. People say your reports are so much more accurate than others. What does SE Michigan SnowFreaks do differently?
“I believe it comes down to how much passion I have for winter weather. I spend sleepless nights tracking everything I can track and seeing how models have done with similar storms with similar tracks in the past. In time, you get a good feel for things and become very confident, as I am now.
“I feel I was given this talent to share with people and to deliver it the way I do. I truly believe that is what separates myself from the others.”
6. As a parent, how do you feel when you get that ‘snow day’ announcement phone call?
“This is easy – I love it! When my kids wake up and I get to tell them they have no school, their smiles say it all, and that’s what it’s all about.’
7. Anything else you’d want your fans to know about you?
“I am just a normal guy who truly loves to make people have fun and be happy and never to take life too seriously. Whether you are a SnowFreak or get freaked out about snow, this page is for you!”
This post was originally published in February 2019 and is updated regularly.
Your kids were asked this question, ad nauseum, for years: “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
So when it came time to pick a field of study, it’s safe to say they probably gave it a fair amount of thought. But as a 2019 survey by ZipRecruiter reveals the most-regretted college majors, it brings to light the importance of making the right choice.
The survey involved more than 5,000 college graduates who were actively looking for a job — and the top fields for “regret” weren’t just about income.
“This generation, more than any other generation that came before it, is looking for work with purpose and meaning,” ZipRecruiter CEO Ian Siegel told CNBC in 2019.
So which majors were most likely to cause student’s remorse, and which led to the most satisfaction? Here’s what the survey found. You can view the full results here.
5 most regretted college majors
1. English and foreign language
About 42% of survey respondents who had this major regretted their choice, ZipRecruiter found. Why? Reasons included that the field is “impractical” and has limited job opportunities.
2. Biological and physical sciences
It’s hard to find a job without an advanced degree in addition to their bachelor’s, survey-takers said – which explains why 35% regretted this major. It also often requires getting a license of some sort.
3. Education
Teaching the next generation sounds great in theory, but 31% regret the choice. Survey respondents said the field has low pay and job satisfaction, plus limited job opportunities.
4. Social sciences and law
About 29% of survey-takers regretted signing up for this major. Their reasons? “Too general,” “impractical” and it’s too hard to find a job without further study.
5. Communications
ZipRecruiter found that 27% of people who studied this field regretted it. And why might that be? You probably guessed it: “too general.”
5 least regretted majors
1. Computer science/mathematics
Only 12.78% of survey respondents regretted this major. The few who did said it was too stressful.
2. Business
“Too general” was the most common complaint about this major. Still, only 15.5% of survey-takers responding pursuing business in college.
3. Engineering
There’s so much to be said about STEM careers these days – and now engineering can add being one of the “least regretted majors” to its accolades. Of the 15.91% of survey respondents who did regret the major, the most common reason was that “the best jobs require advanced degrees.”
4. Health administration and assisting
Being involved on the administrative side of health care was one of the five degrees that ZipRecruiter survey-takers regretted least. Still, 17.95% said the field has low job satisfaction.
5. Health sciences and technologies
Similar to health administration, studying health sciences reportedly has low job satisfaction, according to the 18.94% of survey respondents who regretted studying this in college.
Keeping kids safe online is an issue almost all parents grapple with in an era when the average age of getting a smartphone is just over 10 years old. Chief among parents’ concerns are bad apps for kids that could compromise their safety.
And the potential risks are more serious than ever.
Instead of concerns about accidental in-app purchases or too much screen time, the toddlers who grew up with tablets are becoming the kids facing risks like bullying and communicating with strangers when they use certain apps.
“Basically, you’re turning your kid free on the internet when you hand them a smartphone,” says Jean MacLeod, former social media specialist at Oakland Schools. “They are going to misuse apps and most of the time it’s just by ignorance.”
But warning your kids of the dangers and monitoring their phones isn’t always enough to keep them safe.
A growing number of apps let kids communicate anonymously and leave no record behind for even the most diligent of parents to find.
“They’re not designed to be malicious. However, because there’s anonymity, people will do things with them,” MacLeod says.
Top bad apps for kids
Here’s a look at some of the more risky apps currently being used by young people – but remember that new apps are released daily and trends change quickly.
“As soon as another bad app gets taken off the market, another app will take its place,” MacLeod notes.
It’s an app where kids can send messages for free that won’t show up as texts. It utilizes usernames and could let strangers get in touch with your child. Kik was reportedly used before the murder of a 13-year-old girl in 2016.
Now pretty well-known, this app lets kids send and receive “self-destructing” photos and videos. It has been linked to sexting and harassment, and its Snap Maps feature has also caused extra safety concerns among parents.
This online community lets users interact anonymously. Content can be inappropriate and some users share personal information, according to Common Sense Media.
This group video chat app could let kids get into conversations with people they don’t know due to mutual connections, according to Educate Empower Kids. Like other apps, there is also concern over users saving screenshots without the consent of other participants.
Michigan police have called this free app “Tinder for Teens.” Kids can make new friends through Snapchat and Instagram. The app does not have an age verification, so police fear this could bring kids in contact with predators.
This quick-video social networking app lets teens connect with other teens. While it touts safety measures, Common Sense Media has noted that it’s appropriate for ages 17-plus, as it doesn’t verify age and could share personal information with third parties.
This app boasts being the most honest place on the internet where people can post anonymous messages to others. That opens up kids to cyberbullying with no way for kids to know who is doing the bullying.
Parent tips
Knowing which apps to keep off your child’s phone is only a small part of keeping kids safe. With that in mind, MacLeod recommends the following tips for parents to help kids navigate the responsibility that comes with their phones.
1. Know there are always more bad apps for kids
“There will always be the next bad app,” she says. “Protect your child if she or he is being victimized, but don’t waste your time playing whack-a-mole with apps. Educating is far greater than reacting, and has long-term preventative benefits.”
2. Educate yourself
“You can’t monitor social media if you are not on social media,” MacLeod says. “Get on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, and follow your kids. If your kids aren’t old enough for an account, or if they stick with smartphone apps like Snapchat or Kik, you will still glean social parenting knowledge from participating on the major social media platforms.
“Being on social media allows you a glimpse into the world your kids are living in – and gives you the opportunity to guide them away from inappropriate people or behaviors.”
3. Stay calm
“We want to stay very calm when discussing social media with our teens,” she reminds parents. “Follow/friend your kids online, but never post on their platforms without permission. Some of you will find that your kids actually don’t mind your silent lurking … they recognize on some level that you’ve got their back.”
4. Teach kids how to fix mistakes
“We all make mistakes online; our kids think their social world is the entire world. They need our help to see past the immediate crisis,” MacLeod says. “Part of fostering your social media apprentices is teaching them that their social media blunder is not going to doom their future.
“Teach them how to fix the situation, help them learn from their mistake and show them how to move forward.”
5. Educate and mentor
Prevent mistakes by educating your teens and tweens, she advises.
“Remember, our kids’ brains and behaviors can be shaped and changed via practical experience,” she says. “We parents and educators must take responsibility for guiding our children and students, realizing that while social media can be destructive, when used knowledgeably, it has an even greater power to help our kids succeed.”
Other resources
For further guidance and insight when it comes to monitoring bad apps for kids – and teaching them important lessons about how they approach using their smartphones – try these resources.
Whether you’re on your first kid or your fourth, finding out you’re pregnant is an awesome moment. Figuring out cute ways to announce pregnancy news to family and friends, however, can be a little trickier. You could scream it from the rooftops like you know you want to, or blurt out “I’m pregnant” at the next family reunion or party, but where’s the fun in that?
If you are looking for fun, unique – or even hilarious, creative ways to announce pregnancy, check out these ideas for telling your husband, family and Facebook friends!
First up, telling daddy. Not sure how to find the right words? Check out one of these ideas.
Belly bump
You’ll have to get a bit more creative with this one, but the in-your-face reaction is worth the effort. Write “Hello Daddy” or “Baby on Board” on your tummy and put on a favorite shirt. Use your creative side and find a reason to get your hubby to look at your tummy. When he lifts up your shirt to check it out, he’ll be in for a big surprise.
Dinner for three
While daddy-to-be is away at work, cook him his favorite meal. Set the table and, using non-toxic acrylic marker, write “We’re pregnant” on his plate or in his cup. Make sure that you have used the marker correctly and the ink is set before placing the food on the plate. Have the food set on the plate before he sits down to eat. Once he has finished, he will see your hidden message.
As baby grows, mommy grows, and why should mommy gain all the weight? Give dad sugar shock with a bag full of candy that shows he’s going to get his baby belly, too!
Do a simple Google search and you will find tons of gifts for dad that could double as a pregnancy reveal. Find one of them and hide it in his briefcase, car or wherever else he might find it. A simple baby onesie could work, too.
Now that dad has been informed and the shell shock has worn off, it’s time to tell your family and close friends. Try one of these creative ways!
Bun in the oven
Invite your family or friends over for dinner, but before they arrive place a hamburger bun inside of your oven. Once they arrive call a select few into the kitchen to help you with dinner and ask them to take the “food” out of the oven. Stand back and see who gets it first!
Big brother or sister
If you have other small children, this is the perfect one for you. Find or make a shirt that says (or implies) they are going to be a big brother or sister. Have them wear it at the next family get-together.
Set up a group photo for all of your friends and relatives to be in, but instead of them yelling “Cheese,” have them yell, “Jessica is pregnant!” for example. Simply insert your name! Not only will they be in shock, but you will also have their reaction captured forever.
If you can’t get your family together, try gifting a pacifier. Buy inexpensive ones and wrap them up in a pretty box with pink and blue tissue paper. Include a note to keep it there for when baby visits and expect excited phone calls in a few weeks.
Once all of your loved ones know, let the rest of the world know with one of these great ideas for a Facebook photo or post.
After all, pets are part of the family, so why not put Fido in the picture that announces that his family is growing. Have the “big sister” or “big brother” pose with a pregnancy book, a pair of baby shoes or a sign with your due date.
Have some sort of activity that brings you together as a couple? Why not announce your pregnancy while using it. Sports equipment or video game controllers could work for this. Shoes or seasonal items could work too, if you prefer.
Keep your pregnancy test and set up a photo shoot. Create a heart with your hands over your positive test or incorporate dad in the picture. There are tons of options here.
You feel a little nudge in the middle of the night and, the next thing you know, your child is climbing into bed with you. What do you do? Should you scoot over and go back to sleep? Take your child back to his own bed? Sit up for a midnight chat?
It’s an issue in many homes with school-age children. But, how do you get kids to sleep alone?
Setting goals
“When I work for families that have this issue, I ask them to clarify what their goals and priorities are,” says metro Detroit nanny Tara Lindsay. “A good night’s sleep for everyone? A child who stays in his own bed? A child who feels free to come for comfort in the middle of the night?”
Child afraid to sleep alone
“A child seeks parents when he wants to escape fears,” adds Victor Gardner, a Henry Ford Health System child psychologist. “This often occurs at night.” Fears, Gardner adds, are characterized by themes. A child might fear separation, monsters, injury or being accepted by his peers at school.
“Sometimes,” he says, “parents may feel anxious that they need to respond to and protect their children. The goal is to help kids learn how to manage their own anxieties and fears.”
What to do
Kristen Sowles of Shelby Township says that when her then-7-year-old daughter woke up in the middle of the night, she or her husband would take her back to her bed. “We tuck her in bed and lay with her for a little while,” Sowles says. “It’s about the comfort of having us near her, especially at night when the house is quiet and a bit scary to a kid.”
Lindsay says that one way to help is to verbally remind and reassure children that when they wake up in middle of the night, it’s OK to lie there for a little while. “A child often thinks, ‘Oh, I’m awake, time to get up!'” says Lindsay. “Or they wake confused and out of sorts, so they seek a parent.”
Helping your child out
Gardner has some suggestions for parents whose children want to sleep in bed with them. “First, recognize the fear is real and causing the child distress,” he says. “Don’t dismiss fear. Instead, figure out what caused the fear.”
Next, he recommends “demystifying” their fears and letting them know it’s common to be scared. “It’s important for parents to point out that sometimes our fears are real, and sometimes they’re unrealistic,” Gardner says. “Sometimes our bodies send out false alarms. Teach children how to reset that alarm. Give a hug (and) kiss and tell them that they’re OK. Sit with them for a little bit.”
Strategies and successes
Teaching your child relaxation strategies, he adds, can be quite helpful. If you give your child ideas on how to switch his focus away from his worries, he can work through his fears on his own.
“Don’t force your child to stay in his room,” Gardner says. “That can cause increased distress. Attend to your child, but also give reassurance that he can work through his fear.”
It’s important to celebrate success with your child, too. When he sleeps independently and manages his own worries, show him that you’re proud.
Watch out for Jason Voorhees — it’s Friday the 13th! Haven’t seen the 1980 film (or any of the flicks in the sweeping franchise)? Chances are you’ve seen reincarnations of the scared-campers-meet-slasher-in-the-woods plot in everything from USA Network’s Psych to echoes of it in animated cartoons (like the camping episode on SpongeBob SquarePants). That’s right: Anytime someone’s trapped in the forest, you can thank the now-classic film for the ensuing shivers (or laughs).
Even before the film, though, Friday the 13th was seen as a bad omen — an unlucky day. But it doesn’t have to be! Use it as an excuse to create something fun and freaky in your kitchen, instead – like these nine strange, bizarre and totally fun creations we found around the web.
And hey, don’t get too frazzled. If it makes you feel any better, in Spanish-speaking countries, the unlucky date is … Tuesday the 13th!
Combine spinach, milk, bananas, peanut butter, honey and carob chips in a blender. Pulse. That’s right: This green smoothie’s ingredients might sound like a revolting combination, but the bitterness of the spinach is washed away by the smooth peanut butter and a touch of honey.
You can call this green smoothie whatever you want with your kids to make it perfect for Friday the 13th – maybe goblin goo? Whatever you try, they’ll be surprised that green smoothies actually taste pretty good (and they’re healthy!).
If you really want to give your kids a scare, what about making meatballs … out of mice? Don’t worry: It only looks that way with this Metro Parent recipe that has you shape the meat into little mice. Complete the look with black olive pieces for eyes and thin ham slices for tales.
It’s a culinary freak of nature – and it tastes incredible! Your kids will wonder how you were able to cook spaghetti into hot dogs with this creative recipe. The secret? You cut the hot dogs into pieces and then push dry spaghetti noodles through them. Once the water is boiling, drop in the spaghetti-poked dogs and you’ve got a clever meal that will have your kids thinking you’re a genius – or, perhaps more fittingly, mad scientist.
This recipe for edible wallpaper comes right from Roald Dahl’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. The apple cider-tasting concoction is made almost as you would make fruit leathers. But, of course, you can’t leave the fruity “wallpaper” plain. Add melted white chocolate designs to this fun recipe that will have your kids wanting to be chocolate interior designers.
These Texas Hold-Ums mini beef burgers might look like regular hamburgers — but these bite-sized sandwiches pack a blood-curdling punch. This recipe from Rachael Ray includes two – that’s right, two – chipotle chiles in the meat mixture. Your kids will be reaching for the water with this five-alarm hamburger that’s hot — and not just the temperature!
Play up the drama with these cupcakes that look like real ice cream cones. Tell your kids, “These are going to melt really fast” when you serve them. They’ll bite into the ice cream cones expecting cool ice cream – and instead, they’ll find moist cake! You can add to the effect by drizzling melted white chocolate on the ice cream cone after you’ve baked the cake batter inside to make it look like it’s melting.
Photo from The Daily Meal / A Completely New Guide to Gel Cookery
Mid-century America spawned plenty of strange sci-fi – and the equally bizarre pairing Jell-O and canned vegetables. That’s right: This vintage lemon-Jell-O and vegetable recipe is something your grandma may well have dazzled – or petrified – guests with. If vegetables suspended in gelatin aren’t enough to make your stomach turn, top it off with a worm-like frosting of tartar sauce. Find a vintage recipe here.
Cue up The Mummy this weekend and make these creepy treats. Your kids can help you wrap uncooked hot dogs (what is it with hot dogs and freaky recipes?!) in Pillsbury crescent dough. Oh, but don’t forget to put a slice of American cheese around the hot dogs before you wrap ’em. The cheese not only gives the hot dogs a tasty sauce, but it also oozes out of the crescent dough as it cooks, making the meal all the eerier once it’s time to take a bite.
Impress your kids by making pop rocks right in your own kitchen. Most of the ingredients – like corn syrup, baking soda and sugar – are easy to find. You might have to go to a gourmet shop to find citric acid, or you can order it online at Amazon. Weirdly delicious!
This post was originally published in 2012 and is updated regularly.
Kids are feeling the effects of social distancing — canceled playdates, postponed birthday parties and missed classroom time.
For parents, it can mean suddenly playing both caregiver and teacher. While playdates can be held virtually and birthday parties rescheduled, figuring out a way to give children “classroom time” at home is trickier.
Cara Lougheed, Michigan’s 2019 Teacher of the Year and a teacher at Stoney Creek High School (who was released from her classroom this year to do district and state work) says maintaining school time at home is about more than just learning.
“Kids need to know we have this under control — they need to know we have a plan,” she says. “If you’re not doing anything and they are left to free roam all day, they’re going to get bored and it won’t give them a sense of security.”
Since structure is so important, many districts are encouraging learning from home using online learning platforms like Clever, i-Ready, Schoology, Google Classroom, and more. Many districts – like Detroit Public Schools Community District – already had online learning in place, so are using many of the same learning tools.
Plus, for those families without reliable internet, Comcast is offering low-income families a deal on services for just $9.95/month.
Lougheed, a mom of two boys – Adrian in 6th grade and A.J. in 9th — has 22 years of teaching experience and her husband, a teacher at Stoney Creek High School, has 22 as well. And while not all families are lucky enough to have two teacher parents, she says parents can follow these concrete steps to make the transition easier.
Establish a routine
“In our house, we sat down at dinner and we made a list of what’s important to us as individuals and as a family,” Lougheed says. “To me, it was to have reading time, so at 7 p.m. every night, we read for at least 20 minutes. (Meanwhile) my boys wanted time to be on their phones and video games. My husband wanted time to practice baseball with our youngest son.”
She says allowing every member of the family to control part of the schedule gives kids a sense of ownership over their day and can help diffuse tension, too.
“My 11-year-old son bristles at having to do school at home,” she says. “But we can say, ‘we made this plan as a family – we’re all in this together – and we put this in the schedule for you, so you do this for us.’”
“With preteens and teens, if you treat them with respect you’re going to go farther,” she adds. “You have to remember that kids are human beings, they have their own needs and wants and strengths and struggles.”
That said, if a child is really acting out there need to be consequences.
If you need help, many districts, like Rochester Community Schools, students in middle and high schools still have access to school counselors and psychologists. Two of the days of the week are set aside for “support hours,” and teachers can’t schedule Zoom meetings (a video conference call tool) with students on those days.
Have structure but be flexible
As for the day-to-day school work, Adrian and A.J. tackle two subjects a day, normally spending about two to three hours working on school work daily. They wake up at about 8 or 9 a.m., and have to be dressed by 9:30 a.m.
Adrian often works at the kitchen table, while A.J. works from the desk in his bedroom. They take a walk at least once a day and have family reading time at 7 p.m.
Other than wake up and reading time, the rest of the day is purposely flexible, Lougheed says.
“Most parents are discovering that you can make a schedule, but if you’re not willing to make it flexible, it won’t work,” she says. “Roll with the punches, see how your kids are feeling.”
“It’s what we do as teachers,” she adds. “If kids come in and don’t roll with the plan, you have to change the plan.”
While a looser schedule can work for middle or high school students, elementary age kids might need more structure and more tactile playtime built into their day.
“Younger kids need more structure and I wouldn’t recommend more than 2-3 hours working,” she says. “In younger kids that work might need to be in the morning, then in the afternoon go outside or do a science experiment.”
“That’s what my friends with younger kids are experiencing,” she says. “Making learning be something they look forward to but having the patience, grace and humor to say, ‘You know what? Let’s just watch cartoons today.”
“I’ve been telling all my friends with little ones: ‘If it doesn’t happen Monday through Friday, give yourself a break. It’s OK.”
This post was originally published in March 2020 and is updated regularly.
There are many types of beauty products for all sorts of needs that we use every day. While many of these products are reliable, mistakes are often made due to simple misunderstandings. Some of these do’s and don’ts might seem like common knowledge, but some are easy to overlook. To learn about some commonly made beauty mistakes, read below.
Not Caring Enough for Your Hands
Many beauty products promote skincare. While the majority act as skin protection for your chest, shoulders, and back, you shouldn’t forget about your hands! They are the most common part of your body exposed to the sun and other elements along with your face. Disregarding your hands can lead to dryness, cracking, and aging. Using a hand cream that is infused with SPF 40 will help keep your hands soft and young. Keep some in the bathroom next to your soap to remind yourself to moisturize.
Not Washing Off Makeup
After a long night out, the idea of having to go through a full makeup removal process before getting into bed can seem exhausting. Often, this deters people from doing so, and they will sleep with their makeup on. This can cause many issues for your skin. Even when people do a fast face wash, they can still have traces of makeup on, which leads to problems. General issues include skin irritation, breakouts from acne, and general uncleanliness since this can cause a ton of bacteria to build up. Look into using special cleansers that help clean deeply and thoroughly into the pores, which will help remove every last bit of makeup.
Being Too Rough with Exfoliation
This is a very common beauty mistake. It is easy to believe when you suffer from extreme amounts of dry skin or acne that the harder you scrub your skin, the better it will remove the dirt and bacteria from your pores. The reality is, this will do more harm than good. The more you touch and pry at your skin, the more your skin becomes damaged in the long run. Part of this is because it roves the natural oils and creates micro-tears. Imagine what constant harsh scrubbing will do. Instead, consider a chemical exfoliant to clear your skin without removing natural oils. This also lessens the beating on your skin.
Failing to Properly Care for and Prep Your Nails
Getting your nails done is another fashion and beauty trend. Whether you are someone who likes to get their nails done regularly or not, it is important to know how to properly care for your nails and prep them for a manicure. Make sure they are properly cleaned before any manicure. Also, be sure to protect your cuticles from adhesives. Forgetting this is one of the major mistakes to avoid with dip powder nails. It can peal from the cuticle which can cause the whole manicure to lift.
Bars and restaurants are relying on outdoor seating to compensate for indoor dining restrictions during the pandemic. | Gerard + Belevender
Stay home this Thanksgiving
Taking an extremely serious tone to match the grim outlook of Michigan’s COVID-19 numbers, Gov. Gretchen Whitmer took to the pulpit on Thursday, November 12 to implore people to stay home this Thanksgiving.
With the seven-day average positivity rates across the state pushing 11 percent as of last week and ICU beds filling rapidly with COVID-19 patients, the governor and Dr. Joneigh Khaldun of the Michigan Department of Health and Human Services (MDHHS) called on residents to batten down the hatches and prepare for a potentially harrowing winter.
The governor’s office is recommending that Michiganders redouble their efforts to limit community spread by washing their hands and wearing a mask whenever unable to maintain six feet of distance from another individual outside of one’s household. Whitmer and Khaldun also advised limiting visits to public spaces like grocery stores, self-isolating for two weeks after coming in contact with someone with COVID-19 symptoms, and avoiding any social gatherings. “Thanksgiving is going to look different this year. It just has to,” Whitmer says. “We cannot afford for people to head to a family member or loved one’s house for Thanksgiving.”
Khaldun cited a rising number of reported outbreaks at restaurants and bars in addition to social gatherings. Neither Khaldun nor Whitmer directly addressed indoor dining — something that’s allowed under current MDHHS epidemic orders — but they did state that any indoor activity where people remove masks and share space with people outside of their household is considered dangerous. That would include activities like indoor dining. “There is no safe indoor, multiple-household experience right now” Whitmer says. Khaldun had previously urged residents to avoid indoor dining.
Whitmer warned that her administration may not be able to wait to enact new measures in the absence of action by the state legislature, which is not currently in session. Any new actions would likely come through the MDHHS epidemic orders, which were established during the 1918 flu pandemic and isn’t impacted by the Supreme Court ruling that struck down Gov. Whitmer’s executive orders in October.
Bars and restaurants are relying on outdoor seating to compensate for indoor dining restrictions during the pandemic. | Gerard + Belevender
Stay home this Thanksgiving
Taking an extremely serious tone to match the grim outlook of Michigan’s COVID-19 numbers, Gov. Gretchen Whitmer took to the pulpit on Thursday, November 12 to implore people to stay home this Thanksgiving.
With the seven-day average positivity rates across the state pushing 11 percent as of last week and ICU beds filling rapidly with COVID-19 patients, the governor and Dr. Joneigh Khaldun of the Michigan Department of Health and Human Services (MDHHS) called on residents to batten down the hatches and prepare for a potentially harrowing winter.
The governor’s office is recommending that Michiganders redouble their efforts to limit community spread by washing their hands and wearing a mask whenever unable to maintain six feet of distance from another individual outside of one’s household. Whitmer and Khaldun also advised limiting visits to public spaces like grocery stores, self-isolating for two weeks after coming in contact with someone with COVID-19 symptoms, and avoiding any social gatherings. “Thanksgiving is going to look different this year. It just has to,” Whitmer says. “We cannot afford for people to head to a family member or loved one’s house for Thanksgiving.”
Khaldun cited a rising number of reported outbreaks at restaurants and bars in addition to social gatherings. Neither Khaldun nor Whitmer directly addressed indoor dining — something that’s allowed under current MDHHS epidemic orders — but they did state that any indoor activity where people remove masks and share space with people outside of their household is considered dangerous. That would include activities like indoor dining. “There is no safe indoor, multiple-household experience right now” Whitmer says. Khaldun had previously urged residents to avoid indoor dining.
Whitmer warned that her administration may not be able to wait to enact new measures in the absence of action by the state legislature, which is not currently in session. Any new actions would likely come through the MDHHS epidemic orders, which were established during the 1918 flu pandemic and isn’t impacted by the Supreme Court ruling that struck down Gov. Whitmer’s executive orders in October.
The holiday season is here. Add a new tradition or carry on an old one with your family in November and December by heading out to one of these fun holiday displays and tree lightings in metro Detroit and Ann Arbor that are sure to illuminate the spirit.
Metro Parent has gathered a list of some of the most merry and bright tree and menorah lightings, along with lots of other joyful jollies here in southeast Michigan – from Detroit to Ann Arbor and beyond.
Check out this list and plan your family’s holiday season kick-off.
Note: Due to the coronavirus pandemic, some events may end up cancelled or may be following strict safety protocols. Check ahead.
Five million lights shine bright at the Detroit Zoo for 29 days this holiday season. LED lights illuminate trees and building, plus there’s 200 illuminated animal sculptures scattered throughout the zoo.
Four miles of twinkling lights are ready for you to drive through until New Year’s Eve. Pictures with Santa and concessions on select days provide even more Christmas magic. Don’t forget to bring your letters to Santa; you can mail them outside of Santa’s Workshop.
Tune in for a pre-recorded look at Detroit’s 16th annual signature tree lighting event. This event kicks off the opening of the skating rink for the 2020-21 season.
Address: Macomb Township Recreation Center, 20699 Macomb St., Macomb Township
Time: 6:30-8:30 p.m.
Cost: Free
Head to Macomb Township for this annual holiday happening, complete with crafts, Santa, holiday dance performances and refreshments at multiple stations.
Address: Greenfield Village, 20900 Oakwood Blvd., Dearborn
Times: 6:30-10 p.m.
Cost: $19.24-$30
Walk the candle-lit village streets to see live entertainment, shops decked out for the holidays and Santa with his sleigh and reindeer. Plus take a horse-drawn carriage ride, go ice skating and watch the marvelous fireworks display.
Address: Wixom Community Center, 49015 Pontiac Trail, Wixom
Time: 4-8 p.m.
Cost: Free
The city lights up for the holiday season with the lighting of a giant Christmas tree; plus carols, pictures with Santa, crafts for kids, music and more.
Female service workers and people of color shouldn’t have to choose between earning a living and putting up with harassment in a service job — and yet they do on a daily basis
This isEater Voices, where chefs, restaurateurs, writers, and industry insiders share their perspectives about the food world, tackling a range of topics through the lens of personal experience.
As usual, it was a busy and bustling weeknight shift. Shoulder-to-shoulder guests meant servers squeezing through the rush of regulars to wait tables. The bar was the center of the business — figuratively and quite literally — and we servers would shimmy through in our tuxedo shirts and ties with trays full of treats: crispy bronzini, saucy sauteed perch, cobblers stacked with a mound of Ray’s ice cream. Moving through waiting regulars was like swimming with a cut in open water. The blood brought out the sharks, their eyes watching their favorite foods, cocktails clutched in hands, hoping the specials didn’t run out.
Sweat was always part of the shift.
I was on a double and buzzing from my third energy drink. Known for regularly entertaining tables with delightful conversation, I stood at table 15 chatting about whatever. As I bent to pick up one man’s empty plate, he smiled and looked up at me, wiping his mouth into his cloth napkin. “I swear, you are just so sweet!” he says. “You remind me of someone. You remind me of Aunt Jemima!” The table gasped.
By the time this nonsense occurred, I’d been in and out of the food-service industry for a total of 15 years. My first gig was at a gyro joint in a metro Detroit suburban mall back when you could smoke inside of restaurants. As I write this, I’m 35 and have been out of food service since late 2018. Even being gone, I still routinely dream about my days working in the industry. The effects of that lifestyle are forever imprinted on my brain and body.
Despite all the good times, it took me 14 years to realize that the imprint was trauma.
It’d be a lie to say I don’t attribute my business acumen to serving. I learned how to brand and market myself through working in those aforementioned restaurants. Those skills taught me how to quickly adapt to the power of networking using social media, expanding my already-existing communication skills into the evolution of my current business as a freelance writer, creative director, and curator. There are days when I find myself oscillating between joy and disgust for the industry that’s brought me to my own personal fruition as a queer and Black femme. It’s hard to not look back on aspects of my come-up without moments of shuddering terror. The restaurant industry was a beautiful, two-headed monstrosity, both toxic and rewarding. Each experience taught me that many truths can and do exist at once; I can love that which harms me and I can and did live in dissonance for a dollar to survive.
The harsh reality is the industry is rife with all kinds of oppressive behavior — from the back of house and from the front, and from guests just as much as coworkers. Sexual harassment, blatant racism, and sexism were just a few of the evils I dealt with everyday I tied my apron on and hit the floor. My intersections forced me to handle regular, everyday, standard anti-Blackness blended with misogynoir (a term created by Black feminist author Moya Bailey to describe the anti-Black racist misogyny that Black women experience), all while wearing a smile because if I didn’t, it fucked my with money.
It’s impossible to detail every single instance of offense, though some have stuck in my mind like gum accumulated under a table:
There were guests who didn’t want to sit in my section, regularly choosing to sit in the section of someone white.
Once, a man came and sat at my bar right after his wife had given birth. He showed me a picture of his newborn daughter, so I showed him a picture of my then-7-year-old daughter. I said his kid looked like, “an angel.” He said he couldn’t wait till my kid was 18 so he could take her on a “date.” It took every bit of control to not throw the empty plates I was holding directly in his face. Instead, through a gritted smile, I told him, “You ever talk about my daughter again like that, I’ll kill you.” Yes, I meant it.
Another time, I filled in for a night bartender whose regulars definitely didn’t appreciate any kind of change to their routines. Two cis-gay white men walked in and saw me. Apprehensively, they sat at the bar, proceeding to “berate me” as they became more drunk with every perfect cosmopolitan I made them. Even though the bar was packed, they demanded my constant attention. Nothing I did was good enough or fast enough. They ended up leaving a complaint to the manager on duty because “I’d made them wait too long” while I served other guests.
As a manager, when guests had complaints, I’d stroll out to discuss the issue. Nine times out of 10, if the table was non-Black, there was no respect to my literal authority. Most didn’t believe I was the front-of-house manager. Why wouldn’t they be suspicious when, in fact, I was the first Black front-of-house manager ever in that facility? The reality didn’t match the expectations set by hiring standards used for years by that establishment.
In the back of the house, I was loved and hated, depending on the day and depending on who was working the line. The love came at a price, generally, always hinging on my subservience and always in the form of my acceptance of some kind of harassment. A little-too-friendly grab from the fry cook, a little unwanted sexual advance from someone in pastry. The hate came in waves, especially once I made it very clear I wasn’t tolerating abuse further. At one point, I defended another woman server about the harassment she experienced in the back of house. As unspoken punishment, my orders lagged and I wasn’t communicated to or looked at by the line for almost a month.
Being in the industry so long, I accepted abuse as the standard.
One final service job brought me to the decision to leave restaurants and leave them for good. After changing roles for years, I’d found myself very comfortable as a bartender. It was a fast-paced and exciting position. I absolutely loved making new cocktails. I loved making people smile with what I created. I loved the satisfaction I could bring to people and the money was divine. When one of the bartenders left for maternity leave, I took on her role with the promise of full-time positions available to both of us when she returned. The restaurant group itself boasted six locations, so I wasn’t too concerned about maintaining my spot.
Time passed. She returned. My shifts were cut in half and I was offered a spot back on the floor as a server.
The proprietor came between my double shift to tell me there was “no space anywhere” for me, in any of the six establishments he owned. The rejection ripped me apart, but I sat there listening, unmoved. There were no tears in front of him, though I sobbed between shifts. After wiping away tears, I was back out on the floor, and that night at dinner that customer called me Aunt Jemima. No manager helped, though I asked to switch out the table. That night in November I knew I was done.
My story isn’t an isolated one. People often wonder why workers stay in service-industry jobs where they’re exposed to harassment and abuse — how a style of management or bad behavior pervades a certain restaurant for years without someone speaking out. To that, I say that in America, working for tips essentially makes a person ignore their own exploitation.
I made decent money and supported myself and my kid working in the service industry, and told myself while I was in it that the interesting people I met from every kind of background imaginable and the fulfillment I got from being good at my job outweighed the bad. It made me feel incredible and necessary. And no matter how much the abuse stung, the money always made it better. But the reality was that I experienced harm physically, mentally, and emotionally. I learned the horrifying truth that some people enter the industry knowing they can be abusive and maintain their jobs. I learned that no matter how great I thought I was, it wasn’t enough to provide me the respect or income I deserved. Being a great server wouldn’t change the fact that I am Black, queer, femme, and living in the United States. Subconsciously or not, power dynamics don’t generally favor people like me.
The only thing that can save this industry is a complete overhaul of hierarchies cemented in place. Greed and power make otherwise decent people into living monsters, and capitalism fuels the neverending need for dominance and control. Workers of every orientation should seriously consider radicalizing by unionizing and demanding policy change, starting with an equitable payment plan. They should demand better health care and child care. They should demand that a personal and professional commitment to dismantle anti-Black- and brownness is a bare minimum requirement of folks employed. Working-class people are the majority of this nation’s population and have this perfect opportunity to come together and say, “No more abuse. No more anti-Blackness. No more harm. No more.”
Since I left the restaurant industry, I’ve found new opportunities. In early 2019, I was hired to work for a startup tech company, something totally outside of anything I’d ever done. That position afforded me the skills necessary to launch my own passion projects. After one year, I left that industry. I am proud (and terrified) to say that somehow Bad Future LLC, my company, was founded in 2020. My work sits within a pretty diverse spectrum of media. I produce, write, and co-star in a podcast called The Hard R’s and consult with upcoming podcasters and artists for their passion projects. I also freelance as a writer, creative director, model, and photographer.
It’s impossible for me to articulate what it feels like to be starting a new career at this point in my life. I can guarantee, however, that it will never, ever touch the pain of smiling through abuse and accepting the absurdity of being compared to a fictional Black pancake woman.
Asia Mockis a decolonizing and queer Black artist, creative director, and aspiring author living in majority Black Detroit, Michigan. The weirdest flex. The ashiest fade. Daisy is avisual artistborn and raised on Detroit’s westside, currently based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Her work aims to humanize the Black body by highlighting the wonders and the struggles of the Black experience.
Have an idea for Eater Voices? First-time writer? Don’t worry, we’ll pair you with an editor to make sure your piece hits the mark. If you want to write an Eater Voices essay, please send us a couple paragraphs explaining what you want to write about and why you are the person to write it tovoices@eater.com.
Female service workers and people of color shouldn’t have to choose between earning a living and putting up with harassment in a service job — and yet they do on a daily basis
This isEater Voices, where chefs, restaurateurs, writers, and industry insiders share their perspectives about the food world, tackling a range of topics through the lens of personal experience.
As usual, it was a busy and bustling weeknight shift. Shoulder-to-shoulder guests meant servers squeezing through the rush of regulars to wait tables. The bar was the center of the business — figuratively and quite literally — and we servers would shimmy through in our tuxedo shirts and ties with trays full of treats: crispy bronzini, saucy sauteed perch, cobblers stacked with a mound of Ray’s ice cream. Moving through waiting regulars was like swimming with a cut in open water. The blood brought out the sharks, their eyes watching their favorite foods, cocktails clutched in hands, hoping the specials didn’t run out.
Sweat was always part of the shift.
I was on a double and buzzing from my third energy drink. Known for regularly entertaining tables with delightful conversation, I stood at table 15 chatting about whatever. As I bent to pick up one man’s empty plate, he smiled and looked up at me, wiping his mouth into his cloth napkin. “I swear, you are just so sweet!” he says. “You remind me of someone. You remind me of Aunt Jemima!” The table gasped.
By the time this nonsense occurred, I’d been in and out of the food-service industry for a total of 15 years. My first gig was at a gyro joint in a metro Detroit suburban mall back when you could smoke inside of restaurants. As I write this, I’m 35 and have been out of food service since late 2018. Even being gone, I still routinely dream about my days working in the industry. The effects of that lifestyle are forever imprinted on my brain and body.
Despite all the good times, it took me 14 years to realize that the imprint was trauma.
It’d be a lie to say I don’t attribute my business acumen to serving. I learned how to brand and market myself through working in those aforementioned restaurants. Those skills taught me how to quickly adapt to the power of networking using social media, expanding my already-existing communication skills into the evolution of my current business as a freelance writer, creative director, and curator. There are days when I find myself oscillating between joy and disgust for the industry that’s brought me to my own personal fruition as a queer and Black femme. It’s hard to not look back on aspects of my come-up without moments of shuddering terror. The restaurant industry was a beautiful, two-headed monstrosity, both toxic and rewarding. Each experience taught me that many truths can and do exist at once; I can love that which harms me and I can and did live in dissonance for a dollar to survive.
The harsh reality is the industry is rife with all kinds of oppressive behavior — from the back of house and from the front, and from guests just as much as coworkers. Sexual harassment, blatant racism, and sexism were just a few of the evils I dealt with everyday I tied my apron on and hit the floor. My intersections forced me to handle regular, everyday, standard anti-Blackness blended with misogynoir (a term created by Black feminist author Moya Bailey to describe the anti-Black racist misogyny that Black women experience), all while wearing a smile because if I didn’t, it fucked my with money.
It’s impossible to detail every single instance of offense, though some have stuck in my mind like gum accumulated under a table:
There were guests who didn’t want to sit in my section, regularly choosing to sit in the section of someone white.
Once, a man came and sat at my bar right after his wife had given birth. He showed me a picture of his newborn daughter, so I showed him a picture of my then-7-year-old daughter. I said his kid looked like, “an angel.” He said he couldn’t wait till my kid was 18 so he could take her on a “date.” It took every bit of control to not throw the empty plates I was holding directly in his face. Instead, through a gritted smile, I told him, “You ever talk about my daughter again like that, I’ll kill you.” Yes, I meant it.
Another time, I filled in for a night bartender whose regulars definitely didn’t appreciate any kind of change to their routines. Two cis-gay white men walked in and saw me. Apprehensively, they sat at the bar, proceeding to “berate me” as they became more drunk with every perfect cosmopolitan I made them. Even though the bar was packed, they demanded my constant attention. Nothing I did was good enough or fast enough. They ended up leaving a complaint to the manager on duty because “I’d made them wait too long” while I served other guests.
As a manager, when guests had complaints, I’d stroll out to discuss the issue. Nine times out of 10, if the table was non-Black, there was no respect to my literal authority. Most didn’t believe I was the front-of-house manager. Why wouldn’t they be suspicious when, in fact, I was the first Black front-of-house manager ever in that facility? The reality didn’t match the expectations set by hiring standards used for years by that establishment.
In the back of the house, I was loved and hated, depending on the day and depending on who was working the line. The love came at a price, generally, always hinging on my subservience and always in the form of my acceptance of some kind of harassment. A little-too-friendly grab from the fry cook, a little unwanted sexual advance from someone in pastry. The hate came in waves, especially once I made it very clear I wasn’t tolerating abuse further. At one point, I defended another woman server about the harassment she experienced in the back of house. As unspoken punishment, my orders lagged and I wasn’t communicated to or looked at by the line for almost a month.
Being in the industry so long, I accepted abuse as the standard.
One final service job brought me to the decision to leave restaurants and leave them for good. After changing roles for years, I’d found myself very comfortable as a bartender. It was a fast-paced and exciting position. I absolutely loved making new cocktails. I loved making people smile with what I created. I loved the satisfaction I could bring to people and the money was divine. When one of the bartenders left for maternity leave, I took on her role with the promise of full-time positions available to both of us when she returned. The restaurant group itself boasted six locations, so I wasn’t too concerned about maintaining my spot.
Time passed. She returned. My shifts were cut in half and I was offered a spot back on the floor as a server.
The proprietor came between my double shift to tell me there was “no space anywhere” for me, in any of the six establishments he owned. The rejection ripped me apart, but I sat there listening, unmoved. There were no tears in front of him, though I sobbed between shifts. After wiping away tears, I was back out on the floor, and that night at dinner that customer called me Aunt Jemima. No manager helped, though I asked to switch out the table. That night in November I knew I was done.
My story isn’t an isolated one. People often wonder why workers stay in service-industry jobs where they’re exposed to harassment and abuse — how a style of management or bad behavior pervades a certain restaurant for years without someone speaking out. To that, I say that in America, working for tips essentially makes a person ignore their own exploitation.
I made decent money and supported myself and my kid working in the service industry, and told myself while I was in it that the interesting people I met from every kind of background imaginable and the fulfillment I got from being good at my job outweighed the bad. It made me feel incredible and necessary. And no matter how much the abuse stung, the money always made it better. But the reality was that I experienced harm physically, mentally, and emotionally. I learned the horrifying truth that some people enter the industry knowing they can be abusive and maintain their jobs. I learned that no matter how great I thought I was, it wasn’t enough to provide me the respect or income I deserved. Being a great server wouldn’t change the fact that I am Black, queer, femme, and living in the United States. Subconsciously or not, power dynamics don’t generally favor people like me.
The only thing that can save this industry is a complete overhaul of hierarchies cemented in place. Greed and power make otherwise decent people into living monsters, and capitalism fuels the neverending need for dominance and control. Workers of every orientation should seriously consider radicalizing by unionizing and demanding policy change, starting with an equitable payment plan. They should demand better health care and child care. They should demand that a personal and professional commitment to dismantle anti-Black- and brownness is a bare minimum requirement of folks employed. Working-class people are the majority of this nation’s population and have this perfect opportunity to come together and say, “No more abuse. No more anti-Blackness. No more harm. No more.”
Since I left the restaurant industry, I’ve found new opportunities. In early 2019, I was hired to work for a startup tech company, something totally outside of anything I’d ever done. That position afforded me the skills necessary to launch my own passion projects. After one year, I left that industry. I am proud (and terrified) to say that somehow Bad Future LLC, my company, was founded in 2020. My work sits within a pretty diverse spectrum of media. I produce, write, and co-star in a podcast called The Hard R’s and consult with upcoming podcasters and artists for their passion projects. I also freelance as a writer, creative director, model, and photographer.
It’s impossible for me to articulate what it feels like to be starting a new career at this point in my life. I can guarantee, however, that it will never, ever touch the pain of smiling through abuse and accepting the absurdity of being compared to a fictional Black pancake woman.
Asia Mockis a decolonizing and queer Black artist, creative director, and aspiring author living in majority Black Detroit, Michigan. The weirdest flex. The ashiest fade. Daisy is avisual artistborn and raised on Detroit’s westside, currently based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Her work aims to humanize the Black body by highlighting the wonders and the struggles of the Black experience.
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Bars and restaurants are relying on outdoor seating to compensate for indoor dining restrictions during the pandemic. | 